It's A Renter's Market

The title is misleading, I know. Here's your bait and switch.

Let me preface with: I hate apartment hunting. Hate. I would rather put out a lit cigarette in my eye. If I still smoked; I would do that right now.

Why do I hate this process so? A variety of reason - one of which are my dogs. I understand some people want to be "pet friendly" but don't want to allow in pitbulls so they make their acceptance of pets conditional in listings. This just adds another level of hell for my screening process, since it requires a call to the apartment manager and sometimes you get conflicting information. Add in the fact that my big girl is a whopping 48 pounds (yes, I weighed her last night, and it was quite amusing to anyone who was watching) and is going to be 11 years old shortly and my situation gets a little more complicated than most.

The second reason is just trying to find listings. There's no real central place to go here in Los Angeles. Driving around will net you a ton of numbers, at the cost of gas, but there's absolutely no initial screening involved that you get in other places. I'd venture to say 40% of all listings in LA are just done by hanging a sign. The remainder get thrown on craigslist or, shudder, the paper. Craigslist is spammed daily by people putting up the same listing, over and over, so it get tedious to sort through and the remaining sites out there just don't have any quality listings (apartments.com and rent.com have NO listings for West Hollywood - which is far from reality).

Next we get to the actual apartment visit. This is where the apartment manager tends to say obvious shit in case you missed it. "The apartment has hardwood floors." Really? I just thought this was REALLY tough carpet. Thanks Sherlock! Sherlock tends to get pushy and trys to make you sign something at this point. He'll even try to get you to make the deposit and first month's rent right away. Sorry, I'm just not that keen on writing $2,000 checks on my first viewing of the apartment before I can do some sideline research. But I guess some people need an apartment right away - those kind of people trying to outrun the feds or some shit.

Now comes the sideline research. For me, before I pick a place to live, I want to make sure that it's a safe area and that it's going to be convenient to the places I need/want to go to all the time. I'll check the LAPD crime website which shows a map of all the major crimes that have hit the immediate area around an address. I'll check the registered sex offenders site as well to make sure I'm not near some pervert cluster (or at least make sure they're cute before I move in). Then I'll just goggle the closest Target, Whole Foods, 24 Hour Fitness, and Petsmart.

Then comes the actual application process and signing away of your life. Then the packing and the moving (do I need to elaborate on how much THIS SHIT sucks?).

After reading this - maybe, I'm just a neurotic freak... I dunno. I just don't want to move somewhere for a year that I'm going to regret.

Nah, I'm a neurotic freak.