No annoyance of the day/week/month, yet.
Kissing is important in any romantic relationship. It’s the basis and foundation for intimacy. Well, I guess there are some men who don’t kiss, but – they’re special in so many ways. Perhaps, I should say that kissing is the foundation for intimacy in most relationships, so I don’t have to exclude anyone. I suppose there are some man/horse relationships that don’t use that as a basis for intimacy. But then again, I’m not exactly planning my blog, or train of thought around any potential centaur breedings either.
My point is, if you can’t kiss, it’s a deal breaker for me. I can usually find some merit in most guys, but there are some, that are just hopeless. I went out with a guy recently and it was so bad, I couldn’t even deal with it. It was like his tongue was in constant circular motion in my mouth. Ok, left cheek, top of the mouth, right cheek, bottom of the mouth, and… AGAIN! Added to the fact that it was wet, sloppy, and it felt like someone was running a freaking car wash in my mouth, I quickly made an excuse and bailed.
He had no clue, however. I was astounded. He was in his mid-30s, and had absolutely no clue how awful he was. Then I thought about it, are there people out there who actually like that kind of kissing? I can’t imagine that anyone would want to have that feeling in the mouth more than once, but maybe there are. I think most people, like me, don’t want to be a jerk about it; so, he will go through his life thinking that the “car wash” motion is the hottest thing since flavored lube. Sadly.
Perhaps, if we all just responded by jumping up, slapping then and screaming, “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT,” we’d correct some of this bad behavior? I doubt it. But it would certainly be a hell of lot more amusing.
I know that, I for one, would much rather have some constructive criticism than continue to do things that make people uncomfortable. In a past relationship, it took a few months for the dude to tell me that biting on his neck turned him off because he was highly ticklish there. Months. He said it made him uncomfortable to talk about, because he wasn’t sure how I’d take it. Seriously?
Why do we have such an issue talking about our needs and wants and likes and dislikes with our partners? Why is it easier to resign ourselves to unfulfilling rolls in the hay than to bring up this topic? Are we that scared of offending the person? Or are we just so prude, that even in a committed relationship, this topic is taboo? Whatever the reason, I won’t and can’t live like that. Maybe it’s just because I was sexually unsatisfied in a relationship for a long time, and choose not to say anything and I refuse to do it again?
Doesn’t really matter, because , if you can’t kiss – I don’t have the time to coach you. You could be the best at everything else; suck the chrome off a bumper, make a million dollars a year, like to do the dishes… etc. We’re ending after that first sloppy, tongue on the back of my throat, nasty lip lock.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
No Longer Paid to Be a Person
Well, this has been an interesting week. Started off with the stomach flu on Monday and Tuesday and ended the week with a nice little head/chest cold. I feel like I work in a petri dish. My entire department is passing stuff back and forth, and a ton of them have children, who just bring more crap into the mix for them to bring to work. Maybe I’ll get something next week, just to complete the cycle of three.
Annoyance of the week: People who cough/sneeze and don’t cover their mouth. It’s just downright rude. I bet they don’t wash their hands after visiting the restroom either. Dirty little shits.
So, this week at work, we had a meeting and during said meeting our manager decided to address something that came up during the week. Let me start by saying that, miscommunciations and misinterpretations abound at my job. Lots of stuff is taken out of context, so there is always drama. I mean, seriously, a ton of drama. There was less drama when I worked in the gay bar; and that had a bunch of gay men on the same PMS cycle FFS.
Anywho, the reason I bring this up is the way it was address to us, a group of adults, most of us in our 30s. It was address in the most childish, kindergarten kind of way. The amount of condescention that was being spewed forth could have drowned half of Los Angeles. It wasn’t even a lecture, or a scolding; it was like she was having to explain it to people who didn’t speak English as a first language. It even included a, “I can’t hear you,” when we all failed to respond loud enough to her, “Do you get it now,” question. I mean, really?
This seems to be a common pattern in talking with friends of mine, in various industries – all across the nation. Will the just let anyone be a people manager now? Is there literally, no training required? Furthermore, do they even check to see if the person possesses a basic level of common sense? This is a growing problem. Companies, because of the economy are seeing their people, as less of assets, and more of as replaceable parts. And certainly, they don’t need to be coddled or taken care of with a level of respect that was present five years ago (when the job tables were reversed).
Companies use logic like, “We don’t have it in the budget for raises,” or, “We can’t guarantee your hours, so when we’re slow, you’ll have to go home.” This is proposterious to me. You know the value of a tank of gas, and you certainly don’t say, “Sorry, we don’t have it in the budget pay $2.90 a gallon, we’ll have to pay $2.10,” and expect to get away with it. Why are people’s salaries so different? You know the value of an hour of work; and you further know that if you add more responsibility to a job, that the value of that hour of work goes up. Why it is socially acceptable to abuse people in a recession?
Human resource departments don’t seem to be saying anything. The people paid to make sure employees are treated fairly are more commonly now seen as only there to protect the company from potential lawsuits. They’re paid to reduce benefits and cost to the company and then smooth over the reduction (or increase in cost) to the employee. They’re no longer around to conduct training courses for managers, to make sure they have the necessary skill set to train, grow, and manage their people. Instead, they’re there to protect those managers and devalue complaints when they cross their desk.
I know, realistically, that human resource departments are paid to do the exact things that I stated above, and have been for years; I just think now, they no longer paint a smile on their face when they tell you to get the fuck out. Perhaps, that’s the problem. We’ve actively removed all sense of humanity from the workplace in the name of business.
Annoyance of the week: People who cough/sneeze and don’t cover their mouth. It’s just downright rude. I bet they don’t wash their hands after visiting the restroom either. Dirty little shits.
So, this week at work, we had a meeting and during said meeting our manager decided to address something that came up during the week. Let me start by saying that, miscommunciations and misinterpretations abound at my job. Lots of stuff is taken out of context, so there is always drama. I mean, seriously, a ton of drama. There was less drama when I worked in the gay bar; and that had a bunch of gay men on the same PMS cycle FFS.
Anywho, the reason I bring this up is the way it was address to us, a group of adults, most of us in our 30s. It was address in the most childish, kindergarten kind of way. The amount of condescention that was being spewed forth could have drowned half of Los Angeles. It wasn’t even a lecture, or a scolding; it was like she was having to explain it to people who didn’t speak English as a first language. It even included a, “I can’t hear you,” when we all failed to respond loud enough to her, “Do you get it now,” question. I mean, really?
This seems to be a common pattern in talking with friends of mine, in various industries – all across the nation. Will the just let anyone be a people manager now? Is there literally, no training required? Furthermore, do they even check to see if the person possesses a basic level of common sense? This is a growing problem. Companies, because of the economy are seeing their people, as less of assets, and more of as replaceable parts. And certainly, they don’t need to be coddled or taken care of with a level of respect that was present five years ago (when the job tables were reversed).
Companies use logic like, “We don’t have it in the budget for raises,” or, “We can’t guarantee your hours, so when we’re slow, you’ll have to go home.” This is proposterious to me. You know the value of a tank of gas, and you certainly don’t say, “Sorry, we don’t have it in the budget pay $2.90 a gallon, we’ll have to pay $2.10,” and expect to get away with it. Why are people’s salaries so different? You know the value of an hour of work; and you further know that if you add more responsibility to a job, that the value of that hour of work goes up. Why it is socially acceptable to abuse people in a recession?
Human resource departments don’t seem to be saying anything. The people paid to make sure employees are treated fairly are more commonly now seen as only there to protect the company from potential lawsuits. They’re paid to reduce benefits and cost to the company and then smooth over the reduction (or increase in cost) to the employee. They’re no longer around to conduct training courses for managers, to make sure they have the necessary skill set to train, grow, and manage their people. Instead, they’re there to protect those managers and devalue complaints when they cross their desk.
I know, realistically, that human resource departments are paid to do the exact things that I stated above, and have been for years; I just think now, they no longer paint a smile on their face when they tell you to get the fuck out. Perhaps, that’s the problem. We’ve actively removed all sense of humanity from the workplace in the name of business.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Moments of Complete Clarity
Buenos dias!
Annoyance of the Day: People who say, "I should blog more" or "I should call so-and-so more" etc.
I am one of these people. I know it, I fail at picking up the phone and calling my parents or family back home. I suck at it. I'm a horrible person. Getting the picture?
However, people who continually just use this as an excuse drive me nuts. I just acknowledge the fact that I don't always keep my levels of communication as high as I should. It's easier this way, and less disappointing for my family, I hope. I try to do better, but I don't use this as an excuse or placation. I just get so wrapped up in the day-to-day, that I forget about the week-to-week, or the month-to-month.
So, to summarize, shut the fuck up about it, or accept it, and do you best to minimize your impact on the people you love. That's the best I can offer.
I writing this a few days early, since I have some extra free time with the holiday, but when this gets posted, I should be at 72 hours without a cigarette, again. I say again, because, as anyone who knows me will attest to - this is is not my first time at this rodeo. It will, however, be the 6th time I've quit and made it to 72 hours. The remaining 100 times, I've failed at 48, or 24, or 10, or 1...
Anyhow, in writing my last post, I was thinking about all my moves back and forth across the country and recalled one of my, moments of complete clarity. I'm sure I've head this term somewhere else, but hell if I can remember who I'm plagiarizing. Whether or not I'm using the term as correctly as I should, I will explain what this phrase means to me. There are few true moments in life where one can say they were 100% aware.
Our perceptions of life are so easily clouded. Mood, and life events, skew how our puny little brains take in information. Think about two states of mind...
- You've just been cut off in traffic, pissed off at your partner, had a bad day at work, your lunch tasted like crap, you spilled coffee on yourself in the morning.
- You've just been cut off in traffic, just had a quickie, had a fantastic day at work, your lunch tasted incredible, and you got a free coffee this morning because the barista liked your shirt.
Your reaction to the exact same stimulus, being cut off in traffic, is likely going to be different. However, when you remember the incident months later, you won't have the immediate backstory of your affected mood during the day to alloy you to process the information. Point being, if we were fully rational living things, our response to any stimulus would be consistent, regardless of any other outside influence.
I think it's safe to say, we're not those kind of beings. We're emotional and irrational and our reaction to any stimulus varies on a thousand different variables.
So, what are these moments of which I'm speaking? They are simply times in life, when the haze of life and emotion part and you can see, with perfect clarity and understanding something... anything.
These moments are clearly rare, and I think I've been blessed and lucky to have two in my life. I think some people are doomed to go through life without experiencing a single one; I pity that. These two moments have greatly influenced me and changed me to the core. They're brief but meaniful.
Writing for me, helps to bring about these moments; and there are times I can see, in my mind's eye, the haze parting... but something makes it all for naught, and the haze thickens again. I know that there's something valuable, just on the other side of the fog. Sometimes you get a slight glimpse of a shape, a face, a thought... and you gain a little understanding, but - the true moments of complete clarity, are the true meaning of epiphany.
Value your life, it's far too short. Treasure these moments and when the do happen, be receptive and drink it all in. For these times, are truly priceless.
Annoyance of the Day: People who say, "I should blog more" or "I should call so-and-so more" etc.
I am one of these people. I know it, I fail at picking up the phone and calling my parents or family back home. I suck at it. I'm a horrible person. Getting the picture?
However, people who continually just use this as an excuse drive me nuts. I just acknowledge the fact that I don't always keep my levels of communication as high as I should. It's easier this way, and less disappointing for my family, I hope. I try to do better, but I don't use this as an excuse or placation. I just get so wrapped up in the day-to-day, that I forget about the week-to-week, or the month-to-month.
So, to summarize, shut the fuck up about it, or accept it, and do you best to minimize your impact on the people you love. That's the best I can offer.
I writing this a few days early, since I have some extra free time with the holiday, but when this gets posted, I should be at 72 hours without a cigarette, again. I say again, because, as anyone who knows me will attest to - this is is not my first time at this rodeo. It will, however, be the 6th time I've quit and made it to 72 hours. The remaining 100 times, I've failed at 48, or 24, or 10, or 1...
Anyhow, in writing my last post, I was thinking about all my moves back and forth across the country and recalled one of my, moments of complete clarity. I'm sure I've head this term somewhere else, but hell if I can remember who I'm plagiarizing. Whether or not I'm using the term as correctly as I should, I will explain what this phrase means to me. There are few true moments in life where one can say they were 100% aware.
Our perceptions of life are so easily clouded. Mood, and life events, skew how our puny little brains take in information. Think about two states of mind...
- You've just been cut off in traffic, pissed off at your partner, had a bad day at work, your lunch tasted like crap, you spilled coffee on yourself in the morning.
- You've just been cut off in traffic, just had a quickie, had a fantastic day at work, your lunch tasted incredible, and you got a free coffee this morning because the barista liked your shirt.
Your reaction to the exact same stimulus, being cut off in traffic, is likely going to be different. However, when you remember the incident months later, you won't have the immediate backstory of your affected mood during the day to alloy you to process the information. Point being, if we were fully rational living things, our response to any stimulus would be consistent, regardless of any other outside influence.
I think it's safe to say, we're not those kind of beings. We're emotional and irrational and our reaction to any stimulus varies on a thousand different variables.
So, what are these moments of which I'm speaking? They are simply times in life, when the haze of life and emotion part and you can see, with perfect clarity and understanding something... anything.
These moments are clearly rare, and I think I've been blessed and lucky to have two in my life. I think some people are doomed to go through life without experiencing a single one; I pity that. These two moments have greatly influenced me and changed me to the core. They're brief but meaniful.
Writing for me, helps to bring about these moments; and there are times I can see, in my mind's eye, the haze parting... but something makes it all for naught, and the haze thickens again. I know that there's something valuable, just on the other side of the fog. Sometimes you get a slight glimpse of a shape, a face, a thought... and you gain a little understanding, but - the true moments of complete clarity, are the true meaning of epiphany.
Value your life, it's far too short. Treasure these moments and when the do happen, be receptive and drink it all in. For these times, are truly priceless.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Imaginary Lines and the Quality of Life
Good morning/afternoon/evening,
Annoyance of the Day: People who post only pictures of themselves on websites that only contain places that should be covered in public.
This is typical in the gay community; I'm not so sure about you breeders. Since some gay men are still closeted, they are afraid that someone they know may be browsing a gay dating site and see their picture, so they only post pictures of their sensitive areas. Really? How and why has this become socially acceptable, for god's sake? If this is your only selling point, I'm certainly not buying. Put on some pants, and grow a pair - hopefully, this set will actually work.
So, back on topic, this came up on New Year's Eve. In mingling with people I had just met, the topic of where I grew up came up. I explained I was from Atlanta and immediately, I got the standard question, "What's it like there," which is quickly followed by, "Do you like it there?" Both questions are pretty vapid, by my standards, and any answer you give them is pretty subjective.
Maybe this comes from my experience at moving cross country now, three times, but a city, state, country, what have you - is just an imaginary box on the map. I will conceed that they may be some culture differences in the country areas, but when we're talking about major cities within the domestic United States, there isn't much distinction. Before I delve further into this topic, I want to clarify that I'd like to compare apples and apples. Please don't think I'm saying that Los Angeles, CA is the same as Eutaw, Alabama (pronounced You-Taw, like the state - yes, laugh please, I do).
So, cities are what you make them. No one can propose to have, "Done everything possible" in the city that they currently live. I've lived in Los Angeles Metro for a total of 6 years; I have yet to go to the Hollywood Bowl, Sanita Anita Racetrack, any Indian casino, visit Catalina Island, or even visit Rodeo Drive. And this is shit off the top of my head. The local news stations always pop up with great things to go do, that I have no idea are in my backyard - Japanese gardens, local plays/musicals, concerts, and just general activities to pass time.
I'm trying to establish the premise that using cultural attractions as the reasons for disliking a certain city, or area, are superficial. As an inhabitant of any area, you have the opportunity to do whatever you want - you may have to search for it, but they are there. Expecting it to come to you, will lead to disappointment.
So, to answer the question, yes, I liked it in Atlanta and it's just like it is here, just with a little more rain, and 1 snow day a year. It's a city, with people and different personalities. When I was 17, I couldn't wait to get the hell out of Atlanta. I ran, far and fast, to California. Has my life had a massive shift since moving out here? Being honest with myself, no.
When I first moved out here, I thought, I could be myself and not be stiffled. Looking back, with 20/10 vision, I wasn't stifling in Atlanta. I allowed me to stifle myself. The people there didn't do it to me; I let my perception of the society of the south do it to me. I do, rather like the weather of Southern California, and I don't think I can live away from the beach again. These will keep me near a coast, but if I had to move back to Atlanta. I'd find a way to be happy.
Just because things aren't perfectly what you want, doesn't give you a right to be miserable. They're imaginary lines on a map, drawn by history and old, dead, men. This is a short life, don't let "the city you live in" become and excuse for you to not try at life.
Annoyance of the Day: People who post only pictures of themselves on websites that only contain places that should be covered in public.
This is typical in the gay community; I'm not so sure about you breeders. Since some gay men are still closeted, they are afraid that someone they know may be browsing a gay dating site and see their picture, so they only post pictures of their sensitive areas. Really? How and why has this become socially acceptable, for god's sake? If this is your only selling point, I'm certainly not buying. Put on some pants, and grow a pair - hopefully, this set will actually work.
So, back on topic, this came up on New Year's Eve. In mingling with people I had just met, the topic of where I grew up came up. I explained I was from Atlanta and immediately, I got the standard question, "What's it like there," which is quickly followed by, "Do you like it there?" Both questions are pretty vapid, by my standards, and any answer you give them is pretty subjective.
Maybe this comes from my experience at moving cross country now, three times, but a city, state, country, what have you - is just an imaginary box on the map. I will conceed that they may be some culture differences in the country areas, but when we're talking about major cities within the domestic United States, there isn't much distinction. Before I delve further into this topic, I want to clarify that I'd like to compare apples and apples. Please don't think I'm saying that Los Angeles, CA is the same as Eutaw, Alabama (pronounced You-Taw, like the state - yes, laugh please, I do).
So, cities are what you make them. No one can propose to have, "Done everything possible" in the city that they currently live. I've lived in Los Angeles Metro for a total of 6 years; I have yet to go to the Hollywood Bowl, Sanita Anita Racetrack, any Indian casino, visit Catalina Island, or even visit Rodeo Drive. And this is shit off the top of my head. The local news stations always pop up with great things to go do, that I have no idea are in my backyard - Japanese gardens, local plays/musicals, concerts, and just general activities to pass time.
I'm trying to establish the premise that using cultural attractions as the reasons for disliking a certain city, or area, are superficial. As an inhabitant of any area, you have the opportunity to do whatever you want - you may have to search for it, but they are there. Expecting it to come to you, will lead to disappointment.
So, to answer the question, yes, I liked it in Atlanta and it's just like it is here, just with a little more rain, and 1 snow day a year. It's a city, with people and different personalities. When I was 17, I couldn't wait to get the hell out of Atlanta. I ran, far and fast, to California. Has my life had a massive shift since moving out here? Being honest with myself, no.
When I first moved out here, I thought, I could be myself and not be stiffled. Looking back, with 20/10 vision, I wasn't stifling in Atlanta. I allowed me to stifle myself. The people there didn't do it to me; I let my perception of the society of the south do it to me. I do, rather like the weather of Southern California, and I don't think I can live away from the beach again. These will keep me near a coast, but if I had to move back to Atlanta. I'd find a way to be happy.
Just because things aren't perfectly what you want, doesn't give you a right to be miserable. They're imaginary lines on a map, drawn by history and old, dead, men. This is a short life, don't let "the city you live in" become and excuse for you to not try at life.
Friday, January 1, 2010
It's a New Year, Charlie Brown
So, it's that time of the year. The time of new year's resolutions. Most of which are completely dead by March. I'm not sure why that is, but I'm sure there are a couple of psychology Ph.D. candidates who need a topic for a thesis and there you go - happy to help (I'm sure there are a million theses on this topic regardless).
I'm guilty of it too this year. I'm going to change lots of things about my life. Blogging will be one of them. I'm writing just to write; it's something I sorely miss doing. An ex of mine mentioned and old blog I had on myspace and thus the ball went rolling.
First of all, I'm writing for me and not to any particular audience, because - frankly - I'm not sure what that audience is, and if there will even be one. So, one day my writing will be inane and devoid of any meaning, much like the gay men in Los Angeles: Vapid and Shallow. The next day, I may be serious and grounded. Time will tell.
Secondly, I am gay. So please don't read too much into the above comment, nor will that consume my blog. I don't count myself as the kind of guy who wears my sexuality on my sleeve. It's who I am, but it's not all I am.
Lastly, I consider myself a strong liberal and tend to use profanity. My writing will possibly and probably contain strong liberal views. However, I try to be respectful of other opinions, about certain topics. I only say this, because some people get easily offended over political differences. These people probably have blood pressure issues, if I had to guess. Words are words, and are only given whatever meaning that we allow them to own.
Ok - so, I said this on an old blog 2 years ago, but it bears repeating.
Annoyance of the day: People who don't curb their dogs - If I can carry a plastic bag and pick up shit, you can too. Additionally, I don't know who you are, but whoever has the lawn bomb maker who lives near CSULB. If I ever see you, I will cuss your ass out. You are the reason people don't like people with dogs living near them. You are the reason we get crap (no pun intended) when walking our dogs.
On that note, to the people who give dog owners shit when they are out with their animals - why must you judge all of us by our lowest common denominator. I make it a habit now, just to carry the god-damned plastic bag in my hand, just so you won't berate me walking down the sidewalk. Fuck off.
I'm quitting smoking again and found a fanastic site to help with the motivation.
Quit Smoking Counter For those in the same boat as I.
I think I am going to call this first post, the first post and retire and watch the last of a few of the bowl games on television. O.M.G. - a gay guy who likes football... yes. And I don't watch it for the uniforms, though it's a nice little bonus.
I'm guilty of it too this year. I'm going to change lots of things about my life. Blogging will be one of them. I'm writing just to write; it's something I sorely miss doing. An ex of mine mentioned and old blog I had on myspace and thus the ball went rolling.
First of all, I'm writing for me and not to any particular audience, because - frankly - I'm not sure what that audience is, and if there will even be one. So, one day my writing will be inane and devoid of any meaning, much like the gay men in Los Angeles: Vapid and Shallow. The next day, I may be serious and grounded. Time will tell.
Secondly, I am gay. So please don't read too much into the above comment, nor will that consume my blog. I don't count myself as the kind of guy who wears my sexuality on my sleeve. It's who I am, but it's not all I am.
Lastly, I consider myself a strong liberal and tend to use profanity. My writing will possibly and probably contain strong liberal views. However, I try to be respectful of other opinions, about certain topics. I only say this, because some people get easily offended over political differences. These people probably have blood pressure issues, if I had to guess. Words are words, and are only given whatever meaning that we allow them to own.
Ok - so, I said this on an old blog 2 years ago, but it bears repeating.
Annoyance of the day: People who don't curb their dogs - If I can carry a plastic bag and pick up shit, you can too. Additionally, I don't know who you are, but whoever has the lawn bomb maker who lives near CSULB. If I ever see you, I will cuss your ass out. You are the reason people don't like people with dogs living near them. You are the reason we get crap (no pun intended) when walking our dogs.
On that note, to the people who give dog owners shit when they are out with their animals - why must you judge all of us by our lowest common denominator. I make it a habit now, just to carry the god-damned plastic bag in my hand, just so you won't berate me walking down the sidewalk. Fuck off.
I'm quitting smoking again and found a fanastic site to help with the motivation.
Quit Smoking Counter For those in the same boat as I.
I think I am going to call this first post, the first post and retire and watch the last of a few of the bowl games on television. O.M.G. - a gay guy who likes football... yes. And I don't watch it for the uniforms, though it's a nice little bonus.
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