Too much teeth

No annoyance of the day/week/month, yet.

Kissing is important in any romantic relationship. It’s the basis and foundation for intimacy. Well, I guess there are some men who don’t kiss, but – they’re special in so many ways. Perhaps, I should say that kissing is the foundation for intimacy in most relationships, so I don’t have to exclude anyone. I suppose there are some man/horse relationships that don’t use that as a basis for intimacy. But then again, I’m not exactly planning my blog, or train of thought around any potential centaur breedings either.

My point is, if you can’t kiss, it’s a deal breaker for me. I can usually find some merit in most guys, but there are some, that are just hopeless. I went out with a guy recently and it was so bad, I couldn’t even deal with it. It was like his tongue was in constant circular motion in my mouth. Ok, left cheek, top of the mouth, right cheek, bottom of the mouth, and… AGAIN! Added to the fact that it was wet, sloppy, and it felt like someone was running a freaking car wash in my mouth, I quickly made an excuse and bailed.

He had no clue, however. I was astounded. He was in his mid-30s, and had absolutely no clue how awful he was. Then I thought about it, are there people out there who actually like that kind of kissing? I can’t imagine that anyone would want to have that feeling in the mouth more than once, but maybe there are. I think most people, like me, don’t want to be a jerk about it; so, he will go through his life thinking that the “car wash” motion is the hottest thing since flavored lube. Sadly.

Perhaps, if we all just responded by jumping up, slapping then and screaming, “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT,” we’d correct some of this bad behavior? I doubt it. But it would certainly be a hell of lot more amusing.

I know that, I for one, would much rather have some constructive criticism than continue to do things that make people uncomfortable. In a past relationship, it took a few months for the dude to tell me that biting on his neck turned him off because he was highly ticklish there. Months. He said it made him uncomfortable to talk about, because he wasn’t sure how I’d take it. Seriously?

Why do we have such an issue talking about our needs and wants and likes and dislikes with our partners? Why is it easier to resign ourselves to unfulfilling rolls in the hay than to bring up this topic? Are we that scared of offending the person? Or are we just so prude, that even in a committed relationship, this topic is taboo? Whatever the reason, I won’t and can’t live like that. Maybe it’s just because I was sexually unsatisfied in a relationship for a long time, and choose not to say anything and I refuse to do it again?

Doesn’t really matter, because , if you can’t kiss – I don’t have the time to coach you. You could be the best at everything else; suck the chrome off a bumper, make a million dollars a year, like to do the dishes… etc. We’re ending after that first sloppy, tongue on the back of my throat, nasty lip lock.